It came back...

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So I'm listening to Asian Kung Fu Generation's Butterfly, wich is amazing!!! すごい!!!

尖ったナイフみたいな心で
細長く意味もない日々を削る
積もった過去とか退屈とか
燃えないゴミの日に出して
そのまま

Togatta NAIFU mitai na kokoro de
Hosonagaku imi mo nai hibi wo kezuru
Tsumotta kako toka taikutsu toka
Moe nai gomi no hi ni dashite
Sono mama

With a heart like a sharp knife
I cross out the meaningless days with long and narrow cuts
Everything that has piled up, like the past and boredom
I throw it all out on days when they don’t burn the trash, just like it is


I got this weird feeling that people do not listen to me... Is weird cuz' I'm not one to dwell on self pitty having done so for the majority of my teenage life... but why is it?
My "friends" don't know that I'm having problems with the boyfriend. Hell, even some of them didn't knew I had one to begin with...
I've feeling weird latetly. I don't wanna go to the doctor in fear of hearing the same crap I heard over and over again, but I'm gonna end up doing it...
My mom has been keeping it a secret from since we went for those "rutine" check ups... She doesn't say, but I over heard her this morning talking with grandma... It came back...
I bet everyone has one of those, those ghosts, squeletons that keep on hunting you even when you are wide awake... and I'm wide awake... and it came back...
I guess I'll have to quit eventually then, eventhough we might need the money; but if this is anything similar from last time I don't think I can take as much as I used to in the past...
I'm scared of it... for the first time I'm scared of it... Not of dying or of the pain, I'm afraid of IT, I fear what it might do to me... I hope it finally kills me, I really do and I hope this time ends faster, lest painfully...

9:38 p. m. | |

 

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